Homelands
by CerberAsta
Summary: Erza, Lucy, and Paizuri go to the Succubus' village and meet a few... interesting characters.
1. Adventure Time!

**Homelands**

…

**Adventure Time!**

**So, here comes the third in the series. Why is there a third? Because I have too much fun being mean to these characters.**

**Also, this chapter is mostly fun-time talk, with more world-building than Mashima's ever even tried to do.**

**And finally, if you haven't read Beneath the Surface or Re:Edoras, then I'll wrap up things and say that Zuri is a succubus that met the Fairy Tail guild and hung around. They're heading for her village as of the end of Re:Edoras.**

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

Erza, Lucy, and Zuri walked through a set of thick forest, slowly making their way past trees, bushes, and hanging vines. Erza and Lucy wore basic jogging outfits to deal with the strain. Zuri wore a bathing suit to better deal with the heat, as dirt and bugs hadn't bothered since she was under fifty.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

Silence for a moment.

"Are we there yet?"

"_Zuri._ You would sure as hell know it before _we_ do," Erza finally snapped.

"Yeah… we're nowhere near it," Zuri said, "We still haven't gotten to the first shore."

"First shore?" Lucy asked.

"Yeah."

"…Elaboration?"

"Oh. Um. Well, see, the succubus village is in the middle of the ruins of the old kingdom or whatever."

"Old kingdoms?" Erza asked, concern evident in her voice.

Zuri nodded, "Ah-huh! It's really old and filthy. Also, it's made of terror most of the time. So, we need to go the most direct route that avoids as much horror terrain as possible."

"M-made of terror…?" Lucy asked, clinging onto Erza.

"Yeah, there's lots of ruins and demons. Big, human-eating ones. Also, generally terrifying magic residue. Some big-time mage threw down there a long time ago. Zexelplexel or something…"

"Zexel- what?" Lucy asked.

"Zeref," Erza said, darkly, "The worst mage in all of history… He utterly annihilated the Pergrande Kingdom, which I presume is what Zuri is talking about."

"Oh yeah, that guy. Yeah, he was kind of a dick."

"Eh? You met him!" Lucy asked.

Zuri stared at the Stellar Spirit Summoner for a moment, "…Yes. I met Zeref. And lived. Me, the weakest thing in the history of ever. That's possible within the bounds of reality."

"Okay, okay!" Lucy shouted, throwing her hands in the air as she increased her pace to get ahead of Zuri, "I get it!"

"I did see some of what he did, firsthand," Zuri said, crossing her arms as she sat down, "My legs are killing me. Let's chill for a second…"

Erza and Lucy stopped and sat down next to the succubus. Lucy gently massaged her legs, sighing in slight relief. Erza put her hands behind her head and laid back. Zuri, meanwhile, decided to conserve energy in a different way by losing her human guise. Her skin regained its pink color, and her basic shape shifted in places, giving her a taller, lankier look.

Lucy leaned forward, resting her head on the palm of her hand, "So, uh, you saw some of what Zeref did?"

Zuri nodded, sighing, "Yeah. It was pretty easy. He was a flashy guy. Loud, massive explosions. Huge, roaring demons. Do you know what it would take to take such a man down?"

"Dragons?" Lucy suggested, questioningly.

"_Lots_ of them. Dragons by the metric assload. Know what's scarier than a megalomaniacal asshat who doesn't know your village exists? Fifty million dragons who don't know your village exists. Try worrying every day that some asshole dragon is gonna sit on the village, and that's the end of everything…"

Lucy and Erza stared, eyes wide, as the succubus ranted. She waved her hands about as she spoke, clapping them together at the word "sit".

"So yeah, Zeref is the ultimate dick. And my childhood was fraught with awful. Imagine that!"

"…childhood?" Erza asked, doing a double-take.

Zuri stretched, rolling her shoulders for a moment. She froze and slowly looked at Erza.

"What, you thought I didn't have a childhood?"

"I… just sorta thought you popped into existence. Or, maybe, I dunno, got created."

Erza sort of shifted her gaze off to the side, trying not to look directly at Zuri. Lucy patted Erza on the back, smiling in amusement at her lover's discomfort.

"No, no, I was made in the natural way."

"That's probably not our natural way, so you'll have to explain," Lucy said, getting out her notepad.

"Why are you taking notes?" Erza whispered.

"Levy wanted to know as much about succubae as possible. Also, this could be good material…"

"Ah. I see."

"Well, uh, I'm not sure just how much you _want_ to know. The last person I told ran away, screaming," Zuri said, nervously touching her index fingers together.

"Aw, come on, it can't be that bad," Lucy said, smiling encouragingly at the succubus.

Erza looked between the temporarily quiet Zuri and her smiling girlfriend. She watched the succubus' nervousness, and noted that she was being uncomfortable around the topic of sex. This had to be _bad_.

"Well, uh, when a succubus and a succubus think having tinier versions of themselves running around is a good idea, which they usually don't, they have sex. It's mostly like straight sex, except the dong is temporary."

"…And?" Lucy asked, "Is that it? That doesn't sound so bad."

"Oh yeah, I forget that's pretty much sex for you guys, now," Zuri said.

Erza and Lucy both turned scarlet for a moment, staring at Zuri.

"Um. Well, anyways, is there anything else about the succubus sex?" Lucy asked, trying desperately to push the conversation elsewhere.

Zuri got to her feet, dusting off her back, and setting off again. Erza and Lucy followed her after a moment, and the succubus started off again.

"Well, it _tends_ to be in massive orgies. And by tends to be, I mean that they happen every Thursday and Saturday. There's some other stuff to succubus sex, which I really, really don't wanna get into, okay?"

"What day is today?" Erza asked.

"Sunday."

"Then we have _three_ days and then we are getting the hell out," Erza said, firmly.

"I haven't been in one of those in forever, though…"

"Getting. The hell. _Out_."

"Well… I'm sure I would've just ended up with Fu the whole time, so I guess it's okay to miss it."

"So, um, who's this Fu person?"

"Hey, look, I think we're almost at Porlyusica's house!" Zuri shouted.

"Porlyusica?" Erza asked.

"Yep! Have you heard of her?" Zuri asked.

"Yeah, she kinda made my fake eye. And, seriously now, how do you know Porlyusica and why are we going there?"

"Cuz she's an old friend?" Zuri asked, "Also, she's good at teleport spells?"

"Old friend!" Erza demanded, surprised.

"Yeah, I've kinda wandered around for fifty years in this general non-ruined area. I like Porlyusica. She was a silly girl."

"…you met Porlyusica?" Erza asked, "Why would you go back to her if you've met her!"

"Eh?"

"Given what I know of Porlyusica? She could not have been nice to you!"

Zuri stopped and put both hands on her hips, smirking, "Really?"

Erza paused, before weakly saying, "Well, yeah… she's not _that_ nice to people."

"Really? Is she that bad?" Lucy asked.

"She's… kind of mean, generally. Or at least I've heard. She was nice to me…"

Zuri leaned forward, grinning from ear to ear, "You think Porlyusica is mean to people. That's adorable!"

"I'm not mean to _all_ people. Just humans," Porlyusica said, "They piss me off."

Erza and Lucy whirled around to see the familiar pink-haired hermit, her broom in hand and an aggravated expression plastered on her face.

"…oh, um, sh-should we go?" Lucy stammered.

"Oh, Porly, be nice to them! They're my friends!" Zuri said.

Porlyusica grumbled something unintelligible and full of vitriol. Lucy and Erza nervously took a few steps back, while Zuri nearly tackled the old hermit.

"Awwww it's been forever since I came by here!" Zuri shouted.

"You're not referring to yourself in third person, I see."

"Yeah, I phased that out pretty quick… How goes life out here? Why'd you move out here again?"

"I'm more comfortable here," Porlyusica replied, walking closer to her house, "Well, I suppose you all want to come in."

"That'd be lovely! I want to see how much it's changed! Is the bed still under that hole in the roof?"

Erza and Lucy followed the two old friends, slowly.

"…wait. She… she remembered where Porlyusica's bed was," Erza said.

"That… that means…"

"No," Erza whispered, horrified.

Lucy clapped her hands over her mouth to muffle the scream of terror. Zuri glanced back and grinned.

"You comin' or what? Hurry up! You're being all weird, today…"

"Bah!" Porlyusica grumbled as she opened the door.

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

Erza smiled at the familiar sights and smells- the wooden table and the wafting potions and herbs, which she affiliated with the wonderful moment that she received her false eye.

Lucy looked at it all, taking it in. She jotted down a few interesting details, such as the burbling cauldron or the odd, glowing crystals.

Zuri, meanwhile, immediately launched into Porlyusica's bed, giggling to herself. The hermit glanced at the succubus, annoyance flickering across her face.

"Always the busybody, dodging into other people's things," Porlyusica grumbled as she approached her cauldron.

"Well, it's kind of in my nature," Zuri said, laughing.

Porlyusica rolled her eyes as she dropped a few herbs into the cauldron and began stirring.

"So, what brings you my way? I assume you need something?"

"What! You think I only visit you when it conveniences me? That I never just stop by to say hi? All those years of friendship and- okay, yeah, I need a teleport spell…"

Porlyusica glared at the succubus, "Mm, alright, Rachel."

"Rachel?" Lucy asked.

"She calls me Rachel," Zuri said, grinning, "She hates Zuri. Or Paizuri."

"The less you say that in my presence, the better off you'll be," Porlyusica snapped.

She leaned over the cauldron and whispered a low chant for a few seconds. The cauldron swirled and gave off a dim light.

"Mm," Porlyusica grumbled, "Very well. I can have a teleport spell for you, soon. Within the hour."

"Usual fee?" Zuri asked, sticking out her tongue, playfully.

"Should… should we go?" Erza asked, her eyes wide.

"I want to bleach out all of the horrible imagery," Lucy said, darkly, clutching at the sides of her head.

Porlyusica waved her broom threateningly at Erza and Lucy, "Bahhh! I'll have you know that Rachel here is a good cook. Her RLR Stew is the best food I've tasted in years."

"RLR?" Lucy asked.

Porlyusica shrugged.

"It doesn't mean anything," Zuri said, grabbing a pillow and hugging it close to her chest, "Just some random letters a friend thought sounded good at the time."

"A friend?"

"I won't suffer any Fu talk in my house," Porlyusica snapped, immediately.

"You've become such a prude," Zuri teased, giving a mock pout.

Porlyusica's eyebrow twitched and she waved her broom at Zuri, "You better get up here with that RLR Stew soon, understood?"

Zuri raised up two fingers, "Swear my virginity on it!"

Porlyusica allowed a small smile at their in-joke for a moment, before she turned back to her cauldron. Erza and Lucy marveled at the brief exchange, turned to one another questioningly, then shrugged, and looked towards Zuri once more.

"Well, there's a few ingredients for RLR Stew here," Zuri said, "So, let's go ahead and gather them. As soon as I get back from the village, I'll come back and make it for you, Porly."

The hermit waved them away dismissively, "Yeah, yeah, I'll have the teleportation spell done up soon enough."

"Thank you, Porly!"

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

Zuri walked into the forest with a small, tin bucket and a grin on her face. Erza and Lucy followed the succubus, confused.

"So, what's this RLR Stew?" Lucy asked.

"Can't tell you the full recipe. A friend swore me to secrecy, but I can tell you that it involves blackberries. Come along. A full bucket should be plenty!"

"What friend? Is it that Fu we keep hearing about?" Erza asked, crossing her arms.

Zuri bent over right in front of Erza, causing Titania to bump into her. The S-Class Mage, surprised, stumbled back.

"Ah, not a blackberry bush, my bad," Zuri said, standing back up, "So, have either of you known Porlyusica for very long?"

"Well, I met her twice. Once for my eye, once for an errand for the master," Erza said, shrugging.

"Never," Lucy answer, putting her index fingers together, nervously, "She's kind of scary."

"Nah, she's just a little ball of adorable. You should've known her in her younger days. She was a riot. Parties all the time! And her potions of stamina were killer. Hoo…"

"Really? Master Makarov always talked about her with reverence, more than anything…," Erza muttered, shocked.

"I heard about Makarov, actually. Not much. Just that he was a wild child. So, I guess Porly might seem kind of a good kid compared to him. Did he ever tell you about the time he lead a mass panty raid? Oh, Porlyusica didn't take kindly to her 'underthings', as she called them, being displayed in-town. It was not a good year for Makarov, that…"

Erza stared, with wide eyes, "M-Master d-did such a thing…!"

"Doesn't surprise me, the old pervert," Lucy grumbled.

Zuri laughed, quietly, as she dove deeper in the woods. The trio were silent for a few moments, chuckling to themselves at the thought of such a ridiculous adventure. Finally, Zuri let out an exclamation of surprise as she found a nice blackberry bush and set upon it.

The girls began picking, smiling to themselves as they set to throwing blackberries into the bucket, making satisfactory 'plinking' noises for a while.

When it was full, they leisurely walked back to the hermit's cabin, Zuri telling the others of her antics with Porlyusica- such as exploring the woods and finding a vicious bear, or the time Zuri finally dragged Porlyusica into the city with terrible results, until they finally got back to the hermit's cabin.

The pink-haired witch held out the teleportation device, taking the form of a wand, to the trio, glaring at them all.

"That RLR Stew better be soon," she warned.

"It will be, don't worry," Zuri said, grinning.

"Hold onto the wand or someone holding the wand. Think of where you're going, and you'll be there. It can take the three of you there and then back. Then it's spent. Also, be warned that it may not work as desired. There were a couple of ingredients that I had to use substitutes for, as the original ingredients are nearly impossible to acquire without a month's preparation."

"Thanks, Porly! See ya soon, sweetie!" Zuri said, grinning.

"Bah!"

The succubus held up the wand, "Grab on to my waist, girls!"

Erza and Lucy tentatively did as told, staring in concern at the wand. Zuri twirled it for purely theatrical purposes, then held it up higher.

"To my village!"

There was a fizzle and then a pop, and then they were gone. Porlyusica glanced down at the floor, before slapping her hand to her face.

"Ugh. Oh well… they'll manage," Porlyusica grumbled.

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

Deep within the ruins of the Pergrande Kingdom, a horrifying place that is largely consumed by storms and eruptions of destructive magical energy, stand only a few places that are immune to the magical distortions.

The succubus village is one of them.

Here, on the outskirts of it, did three women appear. Lucy stared ahead for a moment, looking at the village itself, in mild awe. Erza blinked and patted her leg, instinctively searching for her sword, only to find something wrong.

"…why's it suddenly cold?" Lucy asked.

"Oh, Porlyusica, you joker," Zuri said, "Teleporting us into a field of the ultimate horndogs with no clothing to shield us. You're so witty."

"This is NOT FUNNY!" Lucy shrieked.

"PAIZURI!"

"Oh, dear sweet _fuck_," Zuri whispered, absolute horror conveyed in her words.

Erza and Lucy watched as a mostly pink blur shot out of the village and tackled Zuri. Within seconds, they came to believe this was some sort of mating ritual.

"…ew," Lucy said.

"HELP ME," Zuri shrieked.

"OHMYGODZURIIMISSEDYOUSOMUCH."

"MY ASS CAN TELL. HELLO, FU."

"It's like a train wreck," Erza said, "I want to look away. But I can't."

Lucy could only slowly nod in agreement.

**End of Chapter One**


	2. Succubus Village is the Worst

**Succubus Village Is The Worst**

**To answer your question, Zane… **_**Yes.**_

**More than you wanted will be revealed about Fu this chapter.**

**Also, I **_**do**_** love Nippon Ichi a **_**lot**_**. Why?**

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

"This sight… it is grievous unto me," Erza said, horror etched into her face.

"Why… why does this exist? WHY MUST THIS OCCUR BEFORE MINE EYES!"

"Fuck you guys, you're not _experiencing this_," Zuri snapped, her voice fluctuating during thrusts, "Argh, Fu, I don't have time for this right now! Inverjaculis!"

Fu continued grabbing onto Zuri's hips and thrusting for a solid minute further, before doubling over.

"Ahhhhhh, low blow!"

Zuri fell to the ground, "All of the pain… It's been half a century since I dealt with that, argh…"

Fu stood up and flattened her skirt, if it could be called that and not a strip of cloth. No longer having to deal with the horrifying sight of Fu vigorously violating Zuri from behind, Lucy and Erza could properly register what Fu looked like.

…Lucy. For whatever reason, Fu looked exactly Lucy, but with a smaller chest. Fu put her hands on her hips, a look of intense discomfort on her face.

"So, when're you gonna let go of that spell? This is _painful_," Fu grumbled, bending over slightly at the waist.

"I think there's some conspiracy," Lucy said, staring at Fu, "It's not a normal conspiracy. It's not out for riches. It's just dedicated to making me see _myself_ everywhere, in _increasingly unsettling situations_."

"Eh?" Erza asked, trying her hardest to keep her eyes averted from Fu.

"The first offense was Oración Seis, where Gemini decided to imitate me and lift up my shirt! The second offense was Edoras, where my Edoras counterpart enjoyed nudity and was in love with her Natsu! And now… now the gods of discomfort have deigned to drop a flat-chested me with a… a…"

"It's a penis. Though I'm not sure if you ever seen one," Fu said, shrugging.

"WHY DO YOU HAVE A… A…"

"Did you tell them my name? Or nickname?"

"Nickname," Zuri grumbled, getting up on her knees.

Fu appeared to be holding back as she stared down at Zuri. She bit down on her finger, and grunted as she bent over at the waist once more.

"This is the best and worst day," Fu hissed.

"Fu… is a futanari. Essentially, you, Lucy, only she has her equipment all of the time."

"This is just the worst day," Lucy said.

"Can you _please please please please_ release me!" Fu begged.

"Only if you run into Empousa's house, first," Zuri said.

"…Awww… but Mama Emp'll beat me," Fu whined.

"Run!"

"Awwww!"

The succubus turned around and began sprinting, trying to keep the tears out of her eyes as she dealt with the severe back-up.

"That was the worst thing in the history of ever," Lucy said.

"Yeah," Zuri grumbled, gently massaging her backside.

"So, uh, is that going to happen every time we meet a succubus?" Lucy asked, "Are there any in there that look like Erza with _equipment_? Because, if so, I'm waiting out here."

"Eh… no, not that I recall. It's been so long since I'd been around her that I hadn't even thought of how she looked… mostly because she normally had pink skin. And her hair used to be cut a lot shorter. I dunno, I guess she got out of that phase of hers… and… _Outverjaculi_."

Erza and Lucy winced as they heard a loud sploosh sound, followed by a yelp of surprise and a separate one which conveyed total relief.

"Yeah, I didn't need those sounds," Lucy said.

"Nobody does," Erza said, quietly, staring into the distance.

"Welcome to my mornings," Zuri said, "…All of them!"

"You had the worst childhood," Erza said, "I… I'm so sorry." 

Titania stepped forward and wrapped the succubus in a comforting hug.

"Well, uh, I totally dig the naked hugging," Zuri said, "But I do need to talk to Empousa soon if we're going to get everything done in the three-day limit."

Erza blinked, letting go, "Oh. Um. Yes. Right."

"We can totally naked hug later, though!" Zuri said, slowly walking towards the succubus village, "But, first, please make sure I don't die."

"Uh… Erza… Do you have any of my Keys?" Lucy asked.

"Just the one," Erza said, "Taurus."

"…I can't possibly use him to defend Zuri here. My boobs can't possibly compete with a whole village of succubae!"

"I think they could," Erza said, nodding sagely, crossing her arms.

Lucy hugged herself, "Okay, can I have some clothes?"

"Alright. Let's hurry up. We need to catch up to Zuri," Erza said, glancing out towards the succubus.

"And after all this is over?" Lucy seethed, quietly, "I'm done with this 'losing my keys' nonsense!"

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

Erza, decked out in the Heaven's Wheel Armor, quickly caught up to Zuri, just as the succubus looked back to make sure her bodyguards were still with her.

Lucy, however, was much slower as she was not used to Adamantine Armor.

"How… how do you move in this!" Lucy demanded, panting, "Do… do I have to keep wearing it?"

"I'm making sure you are protected. As you cannot defend yourself, and I may be busy facing an onslaught of horrific succubae, I thought it best that you be in armor that would ensure as little damage or violation comes to you."

"V-violation…!"

"Yes… such as from that Fu person…"

"Why would I bother with you two when _Paizuri's_ here?" Fu said, clinging to the fence for support, as her knees had been rather weak.

Zuri went into a poor imitation of a combat pose at the sudden noise, prompting Fu to break into laughter. Erza and Lucy continued slowly into the village, Zuri leading them.

"I'm gonna die. Everyone is just gonna home in on me with all of the spells and that will be the end of me," Zuri rapidly muttered to herself, "This is the most terrifying day of my life…"

Lucy desperately strained to keep moving in the Adamantine Armor, which proved to be more and more of a feat demanding Herculean strength which she sorely lacked. Finally, she just stopped moving completely, frantically trying to catch her breath.

"Come on, Lucy, you've only taken two steps into the village," Erza said, ten swords hovering around her.

"This armor… urgh… why… must it be… so… _heavy_?" Lucy grunted with every step.

"Well, it is made for maximum defense. Hopefully, you won't have to worry about it being useful, but I'm for being safe."

"Could you guys hurry up? You guys are beyond slow," Fu grumbled, impatiently tapping her foot.

"Sorry… that I'm… wearing… _tons of goddamn metal_."

"Firstly, that's _dumb, _but whatever. Second, _whatever_."

Fu then picked up Lucy, who squeaked in protest, and casually walked on. Erza stared, flabbergasted by the succubus' strength. She caught Zuri's eye, who simply shrugged, as if used to it. Erza reminded herself that she probably _was_.

"H'okay… no one has attacked me, yet," Zuri muttered, "This is a good sign…"

"!"

"What the fu-?" Zuri started, looking around wildly.

"WHO GOES THERE!"

Zuri, Fu, Lucy, and Erza all looked about, before finally honing in on the source of the voice to find a topless woman in a red scarf with lengthy, blue hair and a short, red skirt.

"Knock it off, Lah-," Fu started.

"NO! I have to give the awesome introduction to the visitors! …Wait, why are there two of you? VILLAGE! ALERT! ALERT! FU HAS SPONTANEOUSLY ASEXUALLY REPRODUCED! MASS PANIC IS ENCOURAGED!" the topless succubus screamed, leaping down to the ground.

"I am not like her at all!" Fu and Lucy both screamed.

"These are human visitors," Zuri said, "It's just… weird that Lucy looks like Fu. Crazy, random happenstance."

"Ah. Very well. Then my introduction may proceed as originally scheduled! I AM THE GREAT LAHARL!" the succubus screamed, conjuring a massive ball of fire.

Zuri blinked, more confused than anything. Fu crossed her arms and yawned. Lucy stared at the vast ball of fire. Erza stared at Laharl's exposed chest.

"Ohhhhhh, _Princess_. I think you forgot something," another succubus said, from on top of the opposite building.

This succubus wore very minimal amount of clothing. She wore a collar with a ring on it and what was essentially a two-piece swim suit, with the major quirk of the bottom having a crotch window. Lucy and Erza both immediately questioned the practicality of such a garment, but wrote it off as "succubus".

"Oh. Right. This is Etna," Laharl grumbled.

"No badass introduction? Bastard!" Etna snapped, swiftly bringing her knee into Laharl's abdomen.

The two succubae began fist-fighting, while a third succubus stepped out into the open, her arms crossed. She wore a white gown with red trimmings, most prominent being the hair ribbon and the bow on her chest. The succubus giddily approached Lucy and Erza.

"Hiya! I'm Flonne. I'm with them, sometimes," she said, smiling.

"Oh dear lord, someone with clothes. My prayers have been answered!" Lucy declared.

"Oh, yay! I helped someone's prayers be answered! Miss Lamington will be so proud of me!" Flonne declared, clasping her hands together, joyously, "This is the best day ever!"

Flonne gave a little spin and caught sight once more of the squabbling succubae behind her. Both of them now wielded weapons. Laharl knocked aside a thrust from Etna's spear with her blade, retaliating with fireball.

"Oh, dear me. They're still at this… Erm… Alright… I'll just have to stop them!" Flonne declared.

"Uh, I think that may be above you," Zuri said, "Just, uh, noting their struggle."

"I could help," Erza said, snapping her fingers, prompting all of her blades to twirl at once.

"Taurus… would instantly fail, never mind," Lucy grumbled.

"Oh, no, no, no… That won't be necessary," Flonne said, cheerily, "I think I can deal with this."

"I bet yer ass it won't be good for ya," Fu said, crossing her arms.

"I… won't take that bet!" Flonne weakly declared, having thought about even the slimmest chance of losing the bet and the consequences thereof.

Flonne rushed over to the squabblers, reached down into her cleavage, and pulled out a slim, black box. Out of this box she removed a crucifix.

"By our Lord and Savior, I demand you stop the fighting!" Flonne screamed, holding it out towards them.

Laharl and Etna fell back, hissing in pain and glaring daggers at Flonne. The crucifix smoldered in her hands.

"I invoke the name of our Lord so as to command you to please be nicer!" Flonne shouted, prompting the crucifix to flash a white light.

Laharl and Etna fell back, dizzied by the light.

"Hey, she managed it without-," Zuri started.

Flonne fell back, twitching, her eyes whirling. Zuri rushed over and pulled the crucifix away from her, immediately putting it back in the black box.

"Damn it, she didn't take the bet!" Fu said, mildly annoyed.

"Aw, Flonne, really?" Zuri asked.

"Eh, I might not have actually tapped it, but I would've held it over her for a decade or two, anyways," Fu replied.

"Come on, let's hurry away before they wake up and eat up more pages," Zuri said, pushing Erza towards a specific building, amongst the smaller ones, "Hey, Fu, you still got the same house, right?"

"Yep. Never felt up to building my own, so I just spruced mine up. It's beautiful!"

"Does… does beauty imply leaving behind as many clues of sexual activity as possible?" Lucy asked.

"Shut up before I drop you," Fu snapped.

"Be nice! They're my friends!"

"That's the only reason I didn't immediately seize 'em up," Fu grumbled.

Lucy and Erza both felt their sphincters slam shut of their own volition. Lucy let out a little meep, while Erza's eyes went wide.

Zuri waved for Fu to pick up the pace, and the group rushed off to Fu's house.

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

Fu dropped Lucy, who fell to the floor with an earth-shaking _thoom_ and a shriek of pain. Erza knelt beside her and began taking the armor off.

"Alright, I think you'll be safe… Hm. Is there any clothing she can borrow?" Erza asked.

"I am not sharing my clothing," Fu said, glaring at Lucy and Erza.

"But-!"

"Fuuuuuuuu, pleeeeeaaaaaase?"

"…rassin' frassin'…," Fu grumbled, as she went to her dresser drawer and began digging around.

Zuri grinned and a gave a thumbs' up to Erza as she continued undressing Lucy. Erza made herself believe it was unrelated.

"You'll have to forgive Fu. She has a minor superiority complex," Zuri whispered, leaning in close.

Erza blinked, nodding.

"Well, that seems kind of… ridiculous," Lucy muttered, still dizzied from the fall.

"Everything about Fu is ridiculous."

Erza and Lucy could only slowly nod, in complete agreement. Erza took the Adamantine armor's torso plate off of Lucy and the Stellar Spirit mage quickly sat up, a hand flying to her chest. Erza stared at her for a few moments, an eyebrow quirked.

"Not a comment from you, missy!" Lucy snapped, "That armor was the worst thing in existence! Never again! Sensible armors, only, unless I don't have to move in them!"

She stabbed her index finger at Erza, who could only stare at it. Noting Lucy's rage, she feigned horror and nodded.

"Very well," she said, a faint smile in her eyes.

Lucy's rage wasn't quelled by it. She seemed close to satisfaction, however, until the thong smacked her in the face.

"…_what is this_?" she demanded.

"You wanted clothes. There."

"This is a thong."

"It is clothing."

"I would like to cover my ass, damn it!" Lucy shouted, throwing the thong back at Fu.

"…why?" Fu asked, catching it effortlessly.

"Because I don't like showing my ass to the world, especially with succubae around!" Lucy screamed, indignantly.

"We'd only treat it with the greatest respect," Fu said, giving a lecherous grin.

Lucy reflexively put both hands over her butt and shied away from Fu. Erza pointed all of her Heaven's Wheel blades at Fu, glaring viciously at the succubus.

"Lucy is my girlfriend," she said, "As such, she will not be _so much as harassed_ by any of you without a fight from me."

Fu shrugged, "I did want to use the 'go fuck yourself' joke at some point, but oh well, if you're gonna be babies about it…"

Zuri sniggered off to the side, until Erza glared her way. The succubus immediately gave an apologetic grin.

"I'd give you some of my old bottoms but, uh… Fu kind of… tore a hole in most of them," Zuri said, shrugging.

Lucy felt like tearing out her hair, but settled for clenching her fists and growling in frustration. Erza settled down beside her and hugged her, consolingly.

A string bikini flew out.

"No!" 

Pasties smacked into Lucy's forehead.

"No!"

A bustier flew over Lucy's head.

"No!"

A corset flew into Lucy's lap, but was immediately thrown to the ground.

"No!"

A whole arsenal of every variation of thong flew out, until Erza and Lucy were buried under a small hill of them. Erza's swords flashed out and the thongs scattered.

"NO!"

"Come on, Fu… I gotta get to Empousa, soon," Zuri said.

"Alright, alright…," Fu said, sighing.

She handed Lucy a black and white skirt-corset combo.

"It's the best I got."

Lucy grumbled, picking up one of the discarded thongs, and began putting on her unfortunate, new attire.

"Not a word, anybody," Lucy said, her eyes narrowed.

Zuri sighed, relaxing for a moment, now that Lucy's rage had settled. Fu sat down on the bed, right beside Zuri. She snaked an arm around Zuri's shoulders and grinned.

"Remember this bed?"

"…you never replaced it? How has it not broken?" Zuri asked.

"I got one of the other succubae to reinforce the frame of the bed with steel. Had to get the wood fixed up in places, but it's worth it to keep this bed."

"What's so special about the bed?" Erza asked.

"Zuri and I slept together on this bed. It's where I first woke her up in the best way possible!"

"Was it-?" Erza started.

"It's what you saw earlier," Zuri said, rolling her eyes.

"…Ah. I was afraid of that," Erza said.

"This is the worst day," Lucy said, having finally secured her new outfit on.

"It looks great!" Erza said, cheerily.

"I'd be fine if I was just wearing this for you… but I'm going to be _surrounded by succubae_. Gahhhh, why!"

Lucy appeared ready to weep and gnash her teeth, as comforting as Erza was trying to be for her.

"Look, maybe we'll just hide here… I'm sure the succubae will leave us alone."

Lucy sighed and quieted down. Erza held Lucy close, making sure her grip wasn't too tight, since she was wearing armor. Titania leaned down and kissed Lucy on the forehead.

"No, don't you worry. I'll take care of this, alright?" Erza said, smiling.

Lucy nodded, smiling back.

Their sweet moment was interrupted quite abruptly by creaking noises. The girls turned around to see that Fu had apparently gotten bored, and as a direct result, had resumed her previous activities with Zuri.

"Why does this exist?" Lucy asked.

"Let's look away."

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

Meanwhile, back at the Fairy Tail guild, Natsu and Happy were irrelevant, and Gajeel apparently had a question for Levy.

The Iron Dragon Slayer approached the short, blue-haired mage, his arms crossed.

"So, where is lesbian and lesbianer….More lesbianier…. I didn't think this one through as much as I thought I did. Where are Erza and Lucy? Not knowing where they are makes me worried. And slightly aroused."

"What was that last one?" Levy asked, slightly shying away from Gajeel. 

"Muffin button. So, uh, where are they?"

"Huh? Oh, they left to go visit the Succubus village," Levy explained.

"The Succubus village? Hot damn!" Gajeel declared, pumping his fist into the air.

"I have explicit orders from Zuri not to tell you how to get there," Levy said, meekly.

"Do you always do what the succubus tells you to?" Gajeel said, raising an eyebrow.

"That's an excellent point. You're absolutely right. I am my own person," Levy said, clenching her fists in sudden confidence.

"Then you'll tell me how to get there?" Gajeel asked, leaning down, grinning.

"Nope," Levy said, crossing her arms and looking away from Gajeel.

"WHY NOT?" Gajeel demanded, throwing his hands up in surprise.

"Because I received separate orders from Lucy also telling me not to tell you how to get there."

"OH COME ON. Fine. Do you always do what Tits McGee tells you to do?"

"Man, you're on a roll today! You're right again! I won't listen to Lucy!" Levy declared, fist-pumping.

"Beyond excellent. So, you'll tell me now?" Gajeel asked, on the verge of stroking an invisible, evil mustache.

"Nope. Because I have another set of separate orders from Erza also telling me not to tell you how to get there."

"FOR THE LOVE OF- Fine. Do you always do what Erza tells you to do?" Gajeel demanded, throwing his hands up, before crossing them.

"…Yes," Levy said, looking down.

"What the fuck ever. At this point I don't know if I even care anymore," Gajeel grumbled, defeated.

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

Erza and Lucy, having been subjugated to simply the noises for a solid ten minutes, had regressed into being unable to look away from the sight.

"Okay… okay… Fu… that's enough…," Zuri said.

"Ten more minutes?"

"No."

"Five?"

"No!"

"…Three?"

"Inverjaculis!"

Fu immediately clenched up, "I was almost there! So unfair!"

"OFF!" Zuri shouted.

Fu pulled out and fell back, clenching her fists in pain once more. Lucy and Erza immediately averted their eyes from her exposed erection. Zuri got off the bed and stretched.

"I will give you _plenty _of sexy time when this is all said and done. But not right now," Zuri said, wagging her finger at Fu.

"Alright, alright…!" Fu shouted, "Just… arghhhh."

"Lucy, Erza, step outside for a minute."

The girls were outside in a heartbeat. After another round of unpleasant sounds, they returned inside to find Fu laying back, a big grin on her face.

"Where… where…?"

"Out the window. Don't go around back for a while," Zuri said, stretching again.

"Are… are you going to put on some clothes?" Lucy asked.

"Eh, probably better this way. So… nah. Wish me luck!" Zuri said, nervously, as she strode outside.

"Wait, you're leaving me here with her!" Lucy and Fu asked, in sync.

"Get along!" Zuri called out, shutting the door.

"Well, this is a good start," Erza said, "So, how long will her… test take?"

"Usually takes me about five minutes, but I'm also the only one good at being futanari," Fu said, shrugging.

"No one else?" Lucy asked.

"Nope. I mean, the others can make themselves _temporarily_ futanari, kinda. But I'm permanently like this."

"Eh? How's that possible?" Lucy asked.

"Well, there are some humans born like that, so it should only follow that other species would do the same," Erza said.

"What she said," Fu agreed.

"So, uh, do you have any hobbies that don't involve sex?" Lucy asked.

There was a very clear 'does not compute' expression on Fu's face.

"…Do the others have hobbies devoid of sex?"

"Partying?" Fu suggested, unsure.

"How often does that _devolve_ into sex?"

"…Most of the time."

"So, we're probably just going to have to sit around until Zuri gets back. That's wonderful," Lucy grumbled.

"You don't have to! Relationships are totally better when they're open! You learn so much more about sex that way," Fu suggested.

"You're the worst person. Stay away from me and especially my butt," Lucy said, curled up next to Erza, her back against the wall, glaring at Fu.

"You sure? Everyone who I've tapped has agreed there's nothing quite like it!"

"That's okay," Lucy grumbled, "That's super okay."

"Also, I am the only one allowed to stick things in Lucy's butt."

"What?"

"Shush, I didn't mean it like that," Erza muttered, blushing profusely, "It just came out that way."

"Oh, so you're a futanari, too?" Fu asked, leaning forward, interested.

"Err, well, I've never actually tried it out…"

"Oh, it's the greatest thing! Come on, show me!"

"That's inappropriate!" Lucy shouted.

"No, no, I mean that I haven't tried the attachment, personally. Lucy has, though."

"…Attachment?" Fu asked.

"We've taken to enjoying an attachment that… resembles futanari, I suppose," Erza admitted, putting a finger to her chin.

"Why would you let her know?" Lucy demanded.

"We are in a village of sexual deviants. If I were to talk to anyone about it, I suppose this is the best place."

"Oh, boy, is it ever!" Fu shouted, leaning forward and grinning, "You two might be okay, for humans."

"For… humans…?" Erza and Lucy asked, tilting their heads in unison.

"Yeah, sorry, but humans generally suck."

The lovers looked at one another, a clear concern evident on their faces.

"Should… should we take offense at this or…?" Lucy muttered.

"No, no, just let it be. We're in a whole village of non-humans. It would be unwise to argue."

"So, anyways, I've got a _plethora_ of futanari-only sex techniques to share with you! Hm. I need someone to help me demonstrate…"

Erza held up her blades, "No."

"Okay, not either of you. Lemme get Ashley…," Fu said, standing up, "This'll be great! I've always wanted to teach a fellow futa-in-training!"

"You seem too happy about this," Lucy grumbled, "And I'm not that big on this plan! This involves watching you having sex… a lot."

"It could be educational," Erza said, tapping her chin.

"It's either this, or we throw a party," Fu said.

"…that won't immediately be sex," Lucy said.

"Party it is?" Fu asked.

"…Party it is."

Fu opened her door, took in a deep breath, and screamed, "PARTY AT MY PLACE! WE GOT VISITORS!"

The stampede of almost-naked to naked women was startling. It was pretty apparent to Lucy that she may have made the wrong choice.

**End of Chapter Two**

_**And yes, the sexual deviance will continue to be disturbing. But no loli. Ever.**_


	3. Rude Awakening

**Rude Awakening**

…**Off the Rails**

**Note: I guess her name's actually Carla? Maybe? Whatever. I'm too used to Charle.**

**Also, sorry for the year long wait. Got caught up with original projects. Gonna try to finish this.**

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

Early mornings in the Fairy Tail guild were generally pretty quiet. This was largely to blame on the fact that hardly any of the members were awake and at the guild until around ten.

Of course, Mirajane was always there by eight and was cooking breakfast within thirty minutes. Erza and Lucy were usually the first to get there, and Mira was so used to it that she nearly called out their names when the guild doors opened. She caught herself when she instead saw Wendy and Charle, the first of whom gave a big yawn as she walked in.

"Good morning, Wendy and Charle!"

"Mmm… G'morning, Mira… Can I just have some chocolate milk for now?"

"You need something to eat, silly girl," Charle grumbled.

"Nonsense. Let her wake up, first," Mirajane said, smiling.

Wendy nodded and sat down, resting her head in her hands. Charle's tail twitched, annoyed, as she also sat down. Mirajane put down a glass of chocolate milk for Wendy and one of regular milk for Charle.

"Sleep well?"

"Not really. I'm used to Zuri making noise at night," Wendy said, yawning again.

"…Eh?" Mirajane asked, blinking, clear concern evident on her face.

Charle stared at Wendy, her tail frozen stiff in agitation at the succubus and mild terror that Wendy bothered listening to all of that…

"You…"

"Mostly her talking. I can't really make out what she's saying, but it's comforting to know she's in Fairy Hills. Without her there, it's so quiet and… creepy."

"Is Wendy afraid of ghosts?" Mirajane asked in a conspiratorial whisper.

Wendy froze, "Is… is Fairy Hills haunted?"

"Well, aside from Lucy's report, not really," Mirajane said.

"Wh-what? Lucy saw a ghost?" Wendy demanded, leaning forward, eyes wide.

"Oh, she was a friendly ghost. Dressed Lucy up like a cat princess and sent her on some weird treasure hunt. I don't recall the details, and I'm sure Lucy could tell you all the details," Mira said, dismissively.

"Ooooh! I could go back and ask-… Oh, right, they're not here," Wendy said, crossing her arms and pouting a little, "I don't see why I wasn't allowed to go."

"Wasn't it a succubus village?" Mirajane asked.

"Yes, so it's full of people like Zuri… so what? Zuri's nice!"

"…Zuri's also rude, disrespectful, and disgusting," Charle grumbled.

"Be nice, Charle. Zuri's quite alright!" Mirajane declared, her hands on her hips.

"I did not think Zuri would've been able to seduce you, too," Charle deadpanned.

Mirajane glared at Charle, her hands still firmly on her hips. The white cat stared blankly back. Wendy shook her finger at Charle, annoyed.

"Be nice to Mirajane. Zuri's hardly been in her room and they've certainly not had sex. I would've smelled Zuri on her if they had."

"…What?" Charle and Mirajane asked, in near-unison.

"Yeah, Zuri's got a non-human smell to her. Levy pretty much reeks of her at any given time. Mirajane hardly has any of Zuri's scent! And she never has. So she can't have been seduced by Zuri."

"I did not _mean_ to imply that kind of seduction. Merely that Zuri, with her brazen behavior, should not have won Mirajane over so easily."

"Mira's nice, unlike some grumpy cat I know," Wendy said, sticking her tongue out at Charle.

The Exceed rolled her eyes, before returning to her milk. Wendy smiled and nodded, believing herself to have won.

"Can I have a piece of toast?" Wendy asked, giddily.

"Coming right up!"

Wendy spun around on her stool a few times, idly humming an old kid's tune, while Charle just sipped away at her milk. Before Wendy's toast was quite ready, the doors to the guild opened once more to reveal Evergreen, Bixlow, and Fried. Mirajane waved at them as they approached the bar.

The Thunder God Tribe quickly gave their orders, aside from Bixlow, who changed his mind three times during the process, and sat down.

"Hello, Wendy," Fried said, sitting on the other side of Charle, "How are you today?"

"Kinda sleepy. But I'm fine! Do you want to go on another mission? We did good on that last one, I think… Kind of."

"Mm… I am unsure it could be called "good"… but yes, at some point, we should go on another mission. Today, however, I've already booked a mission to deal with some rampaging beast."

"Aww… Bixlow?" Wendy suggested.

The most erratic of the Thunder God Tribe guffawed for a few seconds, before looking back at Wendy.

"You serious? WOW, I did not expect that. After hearing about your mission with Fried, I'd love to book one witcha. Evergreen, you comin'?" he asked, nudging the witch, his dolls floating over her head.

Evergreen glared at him for a moment and batted away the dolls.

"I've got an appointment today," she said, adopting a dainty pose, "Sorceror Magazine is going to be taking pictures of me for their photospread! I may even be the centerfold!"

Mirajane smiled as she began setting out the plates of food for everyone, "Best of luck, Evergreen!"

Evergreen gleefully, almost mockingly, chortled. Bixlow joined in on the laughter for a few moments, until the witch stealthily smacked him on the back of the head.

"Your laughter disturbs me, fool," Evergreen chided, "Don't join in on my graceful chuckling."

Bixlow just shrugged and grinned at Evergreen, putting his Fairy Tail mark on full display, before turning to his food and becoming the equivalent of a human garbage disposal. Fried began eating, with all his usual manners, and Evergreen followed all of the laws of etiquette and then a few extra.

Wendy just happily munched on her toast, until a question popped into her head. She leaned forward and looked over at Evergreen.

"Um, what's a centerfold?" she asked.

"Why, dear girl, they're every beautiful woman's _dream_! They are an achievement, forcing all men to look upon me and know beauty and despair because they can have it, not!" Evergreen swooned.

"That's certainly one view of them," Fried said.

"Yeah. Pretty hilarious one. I ain't known a guy who despairs over a centerfold, yet," Bixlow said, crumbs flying from his mouth as he spoke, "Got too many other things to do over it."

That earned a sharp jab from Evergreen, but Bixlow just laughed it off.

"Um… that still doesn't answer my question," Wendy said.

"It's the part of the magazine that folds out, for a bigger picture," Mirajane said.

"Ohhhhh. So those things that Erza's got tacked up in her back room are _centerfolds_. You look really nice in those outfits, Mirajane!"

Mira blanched, "She did what now?"

Wendy grinned, "Yeah! Erza's got a bunch of your centerfolds tacked up in her fifth armor. She said you were an inspiration!"

Mirajane only went whiter at the news, "That's… that's great…"

"She's got a couple of Cana, too…"

"She will surely want my centerfold when it gets published!" Evergreen declared, grinning, stars in her eyes.

"I'm not sure you're her type," Mirajane said, under her breath.

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

Erza woke up to the sounds of Lucy screaming in horror. The knight sat up in a second, sword in hand.

"What's wrong, Lucy!"

The sight of three naked succubae curled up at the foot of their bed caught Erza sharply offguard. When she looked down and saw that she and Lucy were naked, Erza's face steamed.

"Um. Lucy, what in the world did we do?" Erza asked.

"That's just IT! I _don't know_!"

"Jeez, are you guys always this loud after an orgy?" a voice murmured from the floor.

Lucy's eyes bulged out and she pulled the blankets up to her chest, letting out a small scream as she did. Erza glanced over the side of the bed and hurriedly pulled back.

"There's like eight succubae over here," Erza said, quietly.

"So… eleven succubae had raucous sex in this room?" Lucy asked.

"I'm over here."

Horrified, Erza peered off the other side and her jaw dropped. Nearly twenty succubae were curled in various, suggestive positions on the floor. The one who called herself Etna had propped herself up on another sleeping succubus and was grinning at the two.

"You two got brought in by Zuri? How?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, aside from Fu, Zuri was always the wildest succubus. I mean, she totally sucked at all of her non-sexual succubus powers, so she kind of tended to overcompensate with some _serious_ libido. So, how did she bring you two in?"

"These humans aren't that bland. I mean, I've heard about how humans have been. These two kinda seem wild by their standards," the succubus that Etna was propped on said.

"Psh. If that's the case, it's way easier to see why the Elders say we don't leave. Humans must be _boring_."

Lucy and Erza stared at each other and silently evaluated their situation. Two naked women laying on a bed, surrounded by 31 succubae, mostly groggy or asleep. The most unsettling part, though…

"Where's Fu?" Lucy whispered.

"I don't know," Erza said, wildly looking around.

"Under the bed, you colossal pansies!"

Lucy immediately set to seizing about, until she was doing a handstand, so as to keep her bottom as far from the bed as possible. She whimpered as she looked down at the bed, as if expecting the terrifying succubus to burst through at any given moment.

"I believe Lucy would like it if you came out…"

"She can suck it. I'm comfy."

Erza stabbed through the bed, though she didn't feel her sword connect with anything living.

"I'm going to keep stabbing through. Next time you might not be so lucky. Want to reconsider?"

The Lucy-lookalike succubus rolled out from under the bed, grumbling in anger. Lucy collapsed back onto the bed, her breath coming in short gasps. The shock of hitting the bed caused it to shake enough to wake up the other three succubae on their bed.

"Oh… hey, sweeties," the red-haired succubus said, flipping her hair about.

"What?" Lucy asked.

"What happened?" Erza added, "…last night."

"Well, you two were being all anxious and uptight and scared of us, so Lati here got some of her awesome tea and gave it to you," the red-haired said, pointing to the smaller, black-haired succubus.

"Tea?" Erza asked.

"Well, it's basically tea. But it has some nifty effects. It's really great for getting succubae out of their funk. Gets us going real strong!" Lati said, smiling.

"…I think we were raped," Erza said, pointing her sword at the three succubae at the edge of their bed.

"Oh, no, no, no! Succubae don't rape. We seduce," the red-haired said.

"Besides, we don't do anything that's not at least something a person's considered. Both of you seemed totally willing to get in on this, with a little nudge."

"I'm not sure what that says about us," Lucy said, her eyes wide.

"I feel dirtier and dirtier just sitting here," Erza added, "Let's get out of here."

The door opened to reveal Zuri. She was slumped against the frame of the door and slowly shaking her head, sweat dripping down her face.

"Hoo… hoo… hoo boy… They got… way greedier… or I got… way lazier…"

"Zuri, we're getting out of here," Erza said, firmly pointing her sword at the worn-down succubus.

"I don't suppose we can rest? Just for a few hours? I'm sore."

"We promise we won't give you any more of the tea!" Lati said, pleadingly, "Don't make Zuri go!"

Lucy and Erza looked to the three succubae, all of whom looked back at the couple with pleading eyes.

"We'll put on clothes and get everyone out of here and everything! We swear to be good, alright? Let her stick around for a little longer! The orgy was an honest mistake!"

"…fine," Erza said, getting rid of her sword.

Zuri hobbled over to the bed and collapsed on top of it. She curled up, yawning, and looked over at Lucy and Erza with misty eyes.

"So, what'd you find out?" Lucy asked.

"Well, the village doesn't care about the soul-devouring anymore."

"What? That's a serious offense!" Erza said.

"It's unnatural… and terrifying…"

"Well, see, that's the thing. The Elders found out… it's not souls."

"WHAT!"

**End of Chapter Three**

**Okay, for the record, I have a general idea of how this is going to go. But there will be rambly bits, and if people have any requests, I might just do it.**


	4. What a Tweest (Ending)

**What a Tweest**

**Okay, so yeah, huge gap since updates. Sorry I'm not sorry, but I've had original projects. Figured I'd finish this one up just for practice and also because I have fun with it.**

**For the record, one of my original works is up for sale on Kindle and Nook. "Patchwork Ties" by C. L. Collins. If I see a quick surge in sales in it, who knows? I might be encouraged to continue this, or even write some extra lemony material. ;) (It's only 99 cents, you guys, I promise. There's a character in it who is basically Paizuri, only a goddess. You know you want it.)**

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

In the segments of land considered unlivable, no one bore witness to the lone figure who darted across the landscape. The air crackled with awful power. Smoke billowed from the land and lightning surged out towards the figure, as if it were sentient. The figure whirled around, robes flapping to reveal pink skin for but a second. She pulled out a horrific sword that slashed the lightning, redirecting it towards the sky.

She tapped down and resumed her jaunt, the lightning always diverting away from her. The warrior zig-zagged across the landscape, yet her course was clear: Succubus Village.

_**-FAIRY TAIL-**_

"Okay, what do you mean: soul-sucking isn't so bad? I think ripping a dude's soul out of his body and eating it like a burrito is pretty bad."

"Oh, _thanks_ for that vote of confidence, Lucy."

Zuri crossed her arms and glared as the Fairy Tail members nervously shuffled their feet and coughed.

"Now, shut up and listen. What I thought was a soul… wasn't. It was raw magic. His vital reserves. I'm not saying it's much better, but at least I know I'm not tainted. It was… a mistake. A horrible mistake that I'm guarded against now. He moved on, though, and that's what's important…"

Lucy pulled Zuri into a tight embrace and smiled. The succubus froze for a moment, before she too smiled and wrapped her hands around Lucy.

"We've all made mistakes… You had different circumstances that simply led to a bigger mistake. I'm glad you understand things better, now," Lucy said, "Wendy'll be super excited to know!"

"Yeah… about that."

Lucy tilted her head and pulled back. Erza leaned forward and rested her chin on her fist. Paizuri looked down, frowning.

"I can live in the village again… I haven't been around these guys in decades. They were my family, you know? They raised me, cared for me, loved me… Empousa could've been better, but eh."

"Awwww… we missed you, too," Flonne said.

"Mostly our asses missed you drawing Fu away," Laharl grumbled.

"It's okay, I'm sure Harley here will get over it."

Lucy and Erza looked around at all the succubae, blinking.

"What?" Zuri asked.

"Why aren't more of these succubae upset or something that the biggest taboo or whatever just turned out to be totally fake?"

"Let's face it, man. Our lives are totally fake. We're like… just walking through life, doing things, but does it really matter? In a thousand years, who knows what'll be remembered? Seems like only ancient evils that never got beaten ever get remembered… And then they just get squashed. So hey, man. It's all cool."

Everyone stared at the succubus, who stared out at them with bleary eyes and a slow, lazy nod. After a moment, they turned back to Paizuri.

"Apparently the taboo was protested in the last few years and it's been discussed extensively… They kind of figured out what the problem was. They were scared in the early years because there were a few succubae who were eager to go out and kill humans… That would've only drawn negative attention back on us. To avoid extinction, they avoided the outside world… Made sense, then."

"Like religion," Erza said, nodding knowingly.

"OH SNAP!" shouted a succubus in the back.

"Yeah, pretty much… Hehe."

"Take that back! Religion is the highest calling!" Flonne shouted, waving her staff about.

"Let's have this debate at a less hangover-y time," Laharl grumbled.

"Okay!"

"So… this place used to be your home. Sure. But… you lived with us. You love us."

Paizuri nodded, but looked over at Fu.

"It wouldn't be fair to them…"

"You could always visit," Lucy said.

"I've heard enough! Zuri's staying here! We're her kind and we loved her first!" Fu shouted.

The vicious succubus stood up and balled her hands into fists. She pointed an accusing finger at Lucy and Erza.

"You can't just stroll into our village and steal away our Zuri!"

"But we're the only reason she felt comfortable coming back. She genuinely thought you all would've killed her!" Lucy shouted.

"And you thought you'd be enough?" Fu challenged.

"Enough to get her away," Erza snarled, "We of Fairy Tail are fierce, strong, and loyal. We never abandon our friends, and we always succeed. That's more than we can say for this village which threw out Zuri in the first place and threatened her life!"

(A/N: Nobody bring up Lisanna. Nobody.)

"Guys, stop," Zuri started.

"No, listen! You aren't her family!" Fu shouted.

"Think about Wendy," Lucy said.

Zuri looked at Lucy and sighed. Fu threw her hands up in rage, conjuring a ball of fire. Erza held up her sword and snarled.

"That's enough!" Zuri bellowed.

Everyone looked at Zuri, who had stood up. More than that, she had made her considerable assets a bit more considerable- a necessary distraction.

"I've made my decision. I'm going back to Fairy Tail… But I'm extending an open invitation to every succubus here to come back with me. We don't need to be afraid of them anymore, and we can do some real good out there!"

Several of the succubae stirred at the declaration, sitting up.

"Come back with you?"

"To the human world?"

"Zuri, what did you just do?" Lucy asked.

Erza stared at a sea of naked succubae and a pit formed in her stomach as she realized she might just bear witness to their continued existence in her general proximity. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

"I just turned all of your continent into a sex den," Zuri said, "Isn't it magnificent?"

"Let's go home before they do," Lucy said, tugging on Erza.

"Yeah… Yeah, let's get out of here," Erza said.

"Amidst all of this craziness and zaniness in our lives, why haven't we gone mad?" Lucy asked.

"Simple," Erza said.

With that, she seized Lucy in a kiss, lips pressing together in a clash of passion. They gently held one another as a succubae stampede made its way into a world which was far from prepared. But for Lucy and Erza, there was only one another.

**End**

Alright, you guys. I've developed the best ending I could muster with my current motivation. It's far from perfect and it's definitely rushed, but I am still happy with the end result. Very tricky, this. But anyways, I'm grateful to all your thoughts and I hope you check out Patchwork Ties. 

And I'm serious about that challenge. If you can give me some kind of confirmation that you've bought it, I'll totally do a commission for you. Any sort of content at all, from simple date to quirky antics to something steamy (just probably not on this site).


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